Hamid and the Snickers Bar
12 March 2007
Listening to Poodle Hat by Weird Al Yankovich and How Are We Getting Home? by Gaelic Storm
ANA Troops Heading Out in Style
Jonathan Richards of The Times (of London) wrote this about AWAC:
US soldiers so inspired - or incensed, or bored - by being stranded in far-flung locations that they write blogs were celebrating the finest among the members. The top award at the second annual 'Millbloggies', a competition "created to recognise the best among the military blogging community" went to Captain Doug Traversa, stationed with the US Air Force in Kabul, for his blog Afghanistan Without A Clue.
From a recent entry: "Right in the middle of an area where the kids had been making little roads and bridges in the dirt lay a small rocket. There it was, ready to kill them. Day after day Afghanistan hammers at me. Little children play with bombs. Landmines are everywhere. America, I hope you know how good you have it.”
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article1462169.ece
I’m not sure that I really won the top award. I don’t know that there even is a top award. I won best Air Force blog. Perhaps Mr. Richards has some inside information, or perhaps it’s just an error. In either case, this is my second mention in The Times, and my head is simultaneously spinning and swelling to ridiculous proportions. I need to go lie down unti the world stops spinning.
I watched some of Meet the Press this morning, and Ted Koppel had some interesting things to say. He wondered why the rich were getting tax cuts and the military was being reduced. This was an unusual twist. I haven’t heard anyone saying we should build the military up. You’d think someone would be saying it, but this really the first time I’ve heard it on a news program. Even better, Tim Russert closed by saying, “You don’t just take the military to war, you take the country to war. This hasn’t happen yet.” Wow. Maybe they are just trying to bash the President, but I actually got the feeling they were focused soley on supporting the military, and stressing that we needed to start giving the military the money it needs. This is not what I’m used to hearing on TV.
Although I am on my four-day pass, Hamid hitched a ride back to Phoenix to eat lunch with me yesterday. Drew also joined us. As always, we stuffed our faces then talked. A couple of days ago I had given Hamid one bag of snickerdoodles to take home to his family.
“How did your family like the snickerdoodles?” I asked.
“Snickerdoodles?” he asked, looking puzzled.
“The cookies you like so much. I gave you a bag to take home. They’re called snickerdoodles.”
“Oh, I forgot.”
“Did your family like them?”
“Of course,” he laughed.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Don’t say ‘Of course.’ Just because you like them doesn’t mean everyone else will.”
“Everyone likes them. Now they ask every day if I’ve brought something home.”
This is not unusual. Wali takes candy home every day for his cousins. It’s a good thing I have lots of stuff to put in the pumpkin.
“I’m glad you shared with everyone. I thought you might hide them and keep them for yourself.”
Hamid laughed. “Oh, no. You know I wouldn’t do that. But I do have a question. Do you have any of the candy with dried fruit in it? You brought some in before.”
Now he had me stumped. I couldn’t think of anything I had brought in with dried fruit in it. “Do you mean little boxes of raisins?”
Hamid shook his head. “No, it is chocolate with dried fruit in it.”
Often Afghans use the word “chocolate” to mean “candy,” so I had to confirm that he did indeed mean chocolate. Drew and I looked at each other and shrugged.
“Sorry, I can’t think of any candy bars with dried fruit in it. Do you mean the chocolate-covered cherries?”
“No, it had dried fruit, like raisins, or nuts.”
The light came on. “Ah, I think I see the problem. Nuts are not fruit. So did it have raisons, or was it nuts?”
Hamid was clearly struggling with this one. “I think it was nuts.”
I rattled off questions. “How big was it? What shape was it? What did the wrapper look like?”
We finally figured out it was a small, block-shaped chocolate with nuts in a brown wrapper.
“That has to be a Snickers,” I concluded.
“Well, do you have any in your hut?” asked Hamid. He is not shy about asking for stuff. Sometimes I think I am just a grocery store for him.
“No, sorry, no Snickers, but I’ll put the word out. I’m sure all my friends back home will drop everything to get you some Snickers. ‘Oh, no,’ they’ll cry, ‘Hamid needs Snickers. Let’s get to the store immediately.’ After all, the only reason I have a blog is to get stuff for you.”
Hamid is laughing quite a bit now. He finds my sarcasm to be most entertaining, even if it hits very close to the truth. Yet showing more chutzpah than he usually does, he asked me if I ever got any extra shampoo from care packages.
Mere words don’t do justice to the show I put on. I act exasperated and sigh. “No, I don’t have any extra shampoo. All I ask for is candy for the pumpkin and snicker doodles for you. But is that enough? Nooooooo. Now you want Snickers too. Of course, Snickers, snicker doodles, you love all food that begins with ‘snicker.’ That explains it. I didn’t know you needed shampoo too. If you had told me earlier, I could have requested it. After all, the only reason I’m in Afghanistan is to make sure you have all the goods you need.”
By now Hamid is clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. I’ve learned not to take offence when he asks for stuff, but I always give him a hard time. Once he mentioned that the previous group had left laptops behind as gifts for their interpreters.
“How lucky for them. Clearly the previous group was much more generous than I am. I assure you I am not giving you my laptop. Don’t get your hopes up.”
“Well, could you buy me a laptop CD player so I can watch movies?”
“Hamid, quit asking me to buy you stuff. You make more money than most people in Afghanistan. If you want to buy one, I’ll be happy to help. But it’s rude to keep asking people to get stuff for you. At least it’s rude to Americans.”
Thus cultures clash once more. However, I think the fact that he asks me for stuff is actually a sign that he considers me a friend. He has told me that in their culture, you can ask friends for things. So am I just a big gullible sucker? Who knows? I don’t think so. But this does help illustrate again how different our worlds are.
Well, well, I’ve written so much that I think I will save Hamid’s love life for tomorrow. How’s that for a cliff-hanger? Don’t bother telling me how awful I am. Flattery will get you nowhere.
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Blog Watch
Some of my writing is quoted in the 9 March post over at Fuzzilicious Thinking
http://fuzzilicious.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-they-serve.html
AWAC has a link now at Nancyjane’s Web Journal
http://photonmom.bravejournal.com/index.php
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Care Packages
I got a care package from Pam Sande, full of snickerdoodles. Good timing, because it sounds like Hamid’s family has devoured the last batch. Her son William sent a picture he colored of Abraham Lincoln for me to share with Hamid, since we are building a country here. Thanks. I'll be showing it to Hamid tomorrow. Jed Black sent me Foreign Affairs Magazine, which has an article called “Saving Afghanistan” which I will read during my remaining two days of vacation. Finally, NewType USA sent me the March issue of their anime magazine, though the fact I subscribe probably keeps it from being allowed in the “care package” category.
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The William Arkin Obscene Amenity of the Day
Named for William Arkin, the blogger who thinks the military is made up of mercenaries, OR EVEN WORSE, that have an obscene quantity of amenities being shipped to them. Kudos to the Washington Post for hiring such a towering intellect.
Today’s incredible wasteful amenity is this spiffy orange cone. Note that it is brand new and undoubtedly cost scads of money. This cone marks the slippery tiles in the entryway to the chow hall. If they get the slightest bit wet, the slickness factor rises to lethal levels. Wasteful, I know. One would expect us to be able to avoid slipping without the warning cone, but such are the obscene quantities of amenities that are shipped to us. Well, excuse me, I need to go count all the money I’m making serving as a mercenary, er, I mean, democracy hating right-wing lunatic (as Mr Arkin puts it). I keep waiting for him to throw his hat in the ring to run for President. Heaven knows we need him. Run, Bill, run!
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Five Seconds of Fame
Yesterday’s quote, “My girlfriend still doesn't know why her sweaters are always stretched out” came from the classic Johnny Depp movie Ed Wood. The only person who got it was Dana Schwartz, who actually wrote and said, “I’m thnking Ed Wood, but it doesn’t feel right. Don’t go by your feelings, Dana, because you are the sole winner today, and all five seconds of fame are yours alone!
Ed Wood was the director who made such awful movies as Plan 9 from Outer Space, and liked to wear women’s sweaters. Thus the quote. I highly recommend you watch Ed Wood followed by Plan 9 From Outer Space. It’s a great combo!
Remember, you too can be famous. Just identify the quote and send me an e-mail. You can also send a photo of your choice to be posted.
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Quote of the Day:
“To a New Yorker like you a hero is some kind of weird sandwich - not some nut who takes on three Tigers.”
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Only 63 great days left in Afghanistan. I’m going to need to start rationing them out.
- Bear
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Hey, Rat is back -
I spent my weekend keeping myself busy getting my training plans together. Since I have been staying in the transient hooch, I seem to have a new set of roommates each day. The one thing that struck me right off the bat was "When did these kids get so young?" I have noticed that most of the folks staying with me are from units that spend their time patrolling the area and are known as SECFOR. That means they are the security force guarding the camp and surrounding area. They are the presence in the area that keeps us safe from the Taliban setting up in any one of the small villages and provides the local population with a feeling of security so they can move forward with building a better Afghanistan without fear of being hurt or killed for straying from the hard line rules that were imposed by the Taliban government. They do make frequent contact with the enemy and are all battle hardened veterans, even at this young age.
What I noticed was that many of these young Army soldiers were born after the year I graduated high school some 22 years ago. They are mostly eighteen and nineteen year olds, that means at my age, they could be my son or daughter, and they have a huge responsibility in the mission here. I also noticed just how, at this young age, they have become professionals at their craft. They carry themselves as if they were much more mature than at this young age they would normally be expected. I listened to stories of contact with the enemy and just how they employed their tactics and how they could improve the next time. I was amazed at the poise and thorough understanding of how they work as a team and how they use their skills to defeat their foe and look after each other when bullets are flying and their world seems to have been temporarily turned upside down. They speak of it as if they had just completed a Friday night high school football game, something some of them had done just a year earlier, and didn't want to make the same mistakes next week.
I have to admit there were times when it was obvious they are just as young as they are, but these times were in the safety and comfort of the camp. They teased each other, played practical jokes, and had the important things on their minds like playing video games and getting on the computer to chat with family and friends, but when it came time to plan and get ready to go out on the next mission, they were all business and seemed to age before my very eyes. They walked out the door, and I have to tell you I was proud to be serving with them and the fact that they were out there keeping me safe made me sleep like a baby.
Ratman in Gardez
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Here is Mike’s third installment. I said he was now officially addicted to blogging, but he assures me he can quit any time. Of course you can, Mike. Funny, I didn’t have to do any browbeating at all. Hmmmm.
I was talking to Bear today at lunch about AWAC, about posting a daily blog. I was telling him how difficult I thought it was to come up with something new everyday to write about. I mean, my life here is fairly boring, I go to work, drink chai, get frustrated, come ‘home’ and go to the gym (to work off that frustration). Big deal, who would want to hear about that? Our conversation turned to the subject of many of Bear’s posts, his conversations with his interpreter. As we talked, it reminded me of a conversation I had with Akram, my best interpreter, and the one who accompanied me ‘down range’ to Gardez (the lovely piece of Afghanistan that Rat is currently visiting). So, I decided to write about one conversation Akram and I had while we were sorting the training materials.
As we worked, putting together training packages, our conversation turned to the Taliban. I do not recall how the bastards came up in the conversation, but what I do remember was Akram’s response to the mentioning of the movement that enslaved the country. He said that he thought the Taliban were “evil.” When I asked why he thought that, he recounted a story about several males in his family and how the Taliban had treated them. His father and several uncles had worked for the Mujahideen government prior to the Taliban taking over. One day the Taliban came to his house, and his father realized they wanted money and the family car, so he gave them both. This act spared him the really BAD torture as the Taliban beat him with a motorcycle chain, but only twenty or so times. His uncles were treated much worse. One was taken to a room and made to lie down on a table, face down. One Taliban soldier sat on the back of his neck while another sat on the backs of his ankles. Two other Taliban solders, one on each side, beat him with chains across his back. All this abuse because they had ‘dared’ to work for the previous government. It amazes me that people still support the Taliban, but then again, when you are uneducated, you will believe anything that people tell you. I have heard other stories of torture at the hands of the Taliban, for things as simple as not keeping a beard, allowing your hair to grow long, or wearing “western” style clothes (jeans).
It is so difficult to understand, without actually experiencing this, to fully comprehend what life is like here; how desperate most people’s lives are, and we work in the most prosperous city in the country. It is even worse in the hinterland. What strikes me is that as bad as things appear to me now, they were even worse under the Taliban. I believe there is evil in the world; that all humanity is not in its natural state, good. There are bad people out there, evil to the core. They cannot be reasoned with; they cannot be moderated; they must wiped off the face of the earth. If I have learned nothing else in my year in Afghanistan, it is a reconfirmation of what I just stated, and that despite how bad life can be, the human spirit can survive. Akram is a shining example of that, as are millions of Afghans.
- Capt Mike Toomer
What is it with Afghan men and shampoo? If I were on Family Feud and I was asked for the top five things Afghan men said they wanted from the US I would lose because I would never come up with shampoo or skin cream (another favorite). I have been asked by three security guards at the safe house for shampoo or cream. I have also heard that those who went to the states for training cleaned out the BX of all shampoo and Nivea skin cream. In fact, on Eggers, we've been asked not to buy for locals because all the shampoo vanishes the first day it's stocked. I had to get some Pert sent from home since I didn't want to use Clairol's special treatment for colored and permed hair. I used to think it was for thier wives until I learned the security guards were single and so were most of the guys who went to the states. Bear, can you please ask Hamid or Han what is up with the skin cream and shampoo and quench my curiosity?
By the way, I'm still around just a busy week for the Campaign Plan.
Odie
Posted by: Odie | March 13, 2007 at 09:10 AM
Mike, thank you for sharing your conversation with Akram. Maybe you, Bear, Rat, Odie and....yet to be heard from Drew, are so "used" to these types of conversations that it doesn't seem to you they might be informative and meaningful for those of us "out here" who hang on your every word. By allowing us to "listen" to the people of Afghanistan we are more able to piece together more of the reality of their lives than the blurbs and carefully edited information we get from the MSM. Personally if each of you wrote daily about conversation like you did today, like Bear did today and like most of you have I think you would help many of us begin to paint a picture of the common man in Afghanistan. A pity you don't have access to females so we could "hear" from them but I doubt that's possible - you being a male and all that.
I couldn't agree with you more that there are evil people in this world who need to be wiped off the face of the earth. Wouldn't it have been quite the concept in both Afghanistan and Iraq to allow our military to fight like military rather than to pander to the edicts shoveled out by way too many politicians who are far more concerned with their personal agendas? I'll stop there because if I don't Bear will probably ban me due to language, etc. OK, I'll say one more thing - it's one thing when our military is forced to "fight the enemy" in a foreign land. It's a shameful "other thing" when they must do so while fighting way too many in their own land at the same time.
Ratman - glad all is going well. Thank you for sharing the SECFOR guys with us. They DO sound like an amazing bunch of young men. Our nation is so very blessed to have the solid group of men and women in it that we have. Your statement "...the fact that they were out there keeping me safe made me sleep like a baby." speaks volumns about them. I hope you get back to Kabul before your own personnel goodie box arrives and Bear, in a moment of either weakness or frustration, gives it to Hamid to appease him for a bit. There is no shampoo nor an electronic devices in it.
Bear - glad you are taking it easy. That's what R&R is all about you know. Hamid definitely has your number! Shame on you for being so "easy". That's just NOT a good reputation to have you know.
Oh Drew!!! Oh MAJ Apple!!! Where ARE you????
Posted by: Leta | March 12, 2007 at 01:24 PM
Hey cool, I get to be the first comment today!
My quote of the day submission: HERO
Also, hypothetically, if I happened to have a spare DVD player laying around would it matter to Hamid if it could show only Region 1 DVDs?
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It would need to be 220 compatiable and be a portible player with a screen, not one that hooks up to a TV.
-Bear
Posted by: Teri Centner | March 12, 2007 at 11:23 AM